ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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