can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
