I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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