Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
