guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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