There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
