im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
