if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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