Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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