it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
