I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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