Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
