Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
