never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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