is your mom at the bar?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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