Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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