I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
