Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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