Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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