I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
