Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
