Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
