So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
