absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize