i would punch a child for taco bell
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
