she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
