i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
