Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
