The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
