do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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