i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
