And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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