I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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