i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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