you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
