God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
