just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
