I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
