Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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