i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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