She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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