How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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