Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
