Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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