We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
