my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
