Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
