News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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