let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
