I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
