You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I can text with my tongue
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
