I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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