I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
