as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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