Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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