Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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