Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
