You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
