just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
