If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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