His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
