dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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