just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
