in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
