hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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