if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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