there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
