Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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