when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
