explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
