I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
