I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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