In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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