You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize