next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
