Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
