Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
