he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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