Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
