i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
