Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
