my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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