I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize