i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
