im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
