Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
