normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
