thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
