I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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