I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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