I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
