cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
