I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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