how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
