she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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