I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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