Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
