My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
