She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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