It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize