if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
